I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
