she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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