I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've created a new STD.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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