oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
