Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
