i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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