I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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