She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
