Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
