Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
