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• (650): View more from California

  Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?

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• (850): View more from Florida

  so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?

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• (512): View more from Texas

  Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...

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  21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body

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• (619): View more from California

  the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting

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• (714): View more from California

  Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?

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• (607): View more from New York

  I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.

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