So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
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I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
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The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately