I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Dating After Heartbreak
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.