A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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