Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.