Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week