Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
