Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
