once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
