i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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