Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My ass is underappreciated
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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