thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
