Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
