hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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