I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize