well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
