Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
