then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
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This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
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Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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