I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
