I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
