He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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