I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
