i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
