I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
