Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Who died my cat blue again?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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