I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
