sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
