I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
