Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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