North Korea, Best Korea!
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
