careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
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