I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
