I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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