Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
