I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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