just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize