I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Randomize
