I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
