Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
