i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
