i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
