you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You're like the curious george of whores
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
