You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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