i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
