Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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