All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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