my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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