I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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