Dual....:-)
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
