I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
