Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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