I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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