Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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