You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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