dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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