im six kinds of drunk right now
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
