Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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