yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
