She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
