There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
