that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
