I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
