I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Your cock deserves a montage
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize