Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
