what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
