Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
