Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
