do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I think my moral compass just broke
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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