My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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