Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
