new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize