I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
